WHO WE LOVE, WHO WE SETTLE FOR AND WHO WE ARE MEANT FOR

I went through my BB’s recent updates and saw ‘there is a big difference between who we love, who we settle for and who we are meant for’ on a younger friend’s (about 16 yrs old) personal message and I was wowed. I was fascinated by the simple truth the message transmits. I loved it so much I copied and pasted it on my TL which automatically updates my FB status. About three hours later, I got an FB notification that someone made a comment. I checked and it was another friend of mine’s comment and she asked ‘So, what’s the difference?’ 

Then I said to myself, this is simple English now. ‘Who we love’ is who we really care about, who we want to be with, who we are fond of, the one who makes us smile when we think about him (her)…; who we settle for is the person we got as a result of either our wrong or right moves and who we are meant for is the person we should really be with. Very Simple!

Suddenly, some thoughts on the question popped up in my mind in a very different dimension. Now before I proceed, I have answered the question of ‘what is the difference?’ in simple plain terms so you can stop reading because the next explanations might not be acceptable to you. Also, let me bring to your notice if you didn’t know that I am not a marriage/relationship counselor/expert, a motivational speaker neither am I a Bible Scholar, so anything I write is my opinion which makes it subjective. Discussing these different but closely related phrases goes thus:

Will

Will according to the Encarta Dictionaries means ‘the part of the mind with which somebody consciously decides things’. It also means ‘the power to make decisions’.  Another meaning is ‘a desire or inclination to do something’. With these three definitions of the word ‘will’, we can see that ‘will’ has to do with decision making by our thought-process, the choices we make. Will can be an inclination or desire that arises from the inner-most part our existence. Possibly the subconscious and underlying figments coming to play outwardly, thereby fine-tuning our conscious self into making strong, desirable decisions backed by determination.

There are two types of will – the will of God (Father) [Math. 12:50; Mark 3:55] and the will of man (Flesh) [2 Peter 1:21; John 1:13]. Though God is our creator, yet he gave us the liberty to choose what we desire (Luke 22:42) but admonishes us to choose that which is good (Deut. 30:19) that we and our seed may live. Now there is will of God that is good, another is acceptable and the last is perfect [Romans 12:2]. You might begin to wonder, what has will got to do with the issue at hand? Don’t rush, just chill.

Who we love

When we decide to love someone for whatever reason we choose, we are doing our will. Don’t get me wrong here; the love I am talking about is that which is related to ‘marriage /relationship things’. The guy you are dating beats the crap out of you, your girlfriend cheats on you, your boyfriend doesn’t respect you, and your girlfriend can’t be trusted on any issue and amongst all these, you still decide to love him (her). May be he (she) loves you so much and you love him (her) in return or probably you have been hurt and you will never love him (her) anymore, then it’s your choice, your decision.

You have decided nothing will make you practice law, you will never quit drinking, you will always preach the gospel, you must go to Canada, you must marry that person at all cost, you will not quit till you succeed on a particular thing, you gave up on something, and you must kill that person. You have made your choices, you have decided.

‘Who we love’ are our choices, our decisions, and our resolves. Who we love are those things we have made up our minds on to do whatever the outcomes are. These are our wills – The will of man. These choices of ours can either be good ones or bad ones.

Who we settle for

The outcomes of our decisions are who we settle for. They are the consequences of our moves. At the moment ‘we love’ a lady whose father is a drug baron and mother a professional prostitute, and she turns out to be a thief, that is what ‘we settle for’. At this point, you don’t cry over spill milk. What you have sown as a will, you reap as an outcome.

Sometimes, who we love is supposed to be who we are meant for but for some reasons, we end with some else. If who we settle for eventually is good enough or very close to ‘who we are meant for’ but for circumstances, meaning we are still on course but for some temporary setbacks, that is ‘acceptable’ or ‘permissible’ will of God. This is the case of Abram when he gave birth to Ishmael. But when who we settle for is not near who we are meant for but for our own selfish reasons and God in is sovereignty permitted it, it could be disastrous. This is a case of Hezekiah when rather than die in God’s perfect will, requested for more time.

Who we are meant for

Locating who we are meant for is not yam neither is it beans, It requires a whole lot of letting go. Yet, it is the easiest thing to do. Like an adage in Yoruba language ‘where we are going is not far, it is those points where we stop to greet that are numerous’ (translated). There is just one woman out there that suits  just one man. Its takes trusting God totally and leaning not on your guts that will make you locate this partner of yours.

Discovering your own special purpose for which you have been called it the utmost on earth. Fulfilling this purpose is the most beautiful thing that can happen to you. Hey! Don’t think about what you are not reading here, it’s not everybody that is called to be a pastor, Rev. Bishop or the likes. No, that’s not what I am saying. The ‘parable of the talent’ wasn’t about being a priest or whatever; it was about using the little that has been bestowed upon you for propagating His work and Human development in your own unique way.

The perfect will of God is seeking and finding that only person that is meant for you. The perfect will of God is by His grace, discovering your purpose and fulfilling it. Who you love, who you settle for and who you are meant for are three separate entities but If who you love is the same person you settle for and it’s that same person that you are meant for, then there is no way you won’t be a god before you leave this world.

Joobreel