Before the Wedding Planner

If you are married, I guess your cross has been carried already so this isn’t for you. If you have a good partner, you will be happy and successful. If you have a bad one, the best you can be in your lifetime is a philosopher. For those that are still waiting to put on the smallest handcuff, follow me.

A day will come when you will have to answer the questions ‘what will I wear?’ ‘Who will be invited?’ ‘What venue is the ideal?’ ‘What meals will be served?’ ‘What will the cake look like?’ ‘How big will the party be?’ and many others like that. Then you will either enquire from those that have the handcuffs on, consult with your parents or just give a wedding planner ‘the call’.

Before you make that call, have you ever asked yourself why you want to get married? At what point did you conclude that marriage is the next big thing? What exactly informed your decision to get married? When did it cross your mind that you can get married to your partner? Who made the decision, was it you and your partner or you guys’ parents? Is s(he) ideal for you? What is your motive for getting married?

Could it be for financial reasons? You think or know he is capable of catering for your all ‘spending’? Was it because you know she is an independent woman who can take care of herself. Maybe his/her parents are financially capable and they won’t be burdens on you. Could it be because your future is secured with him/her? Could it be for gold-digging? Well, who wants to suffer these days? Carry on my friend; call the wedding planner right away.

Could it be because you are under pressure? You are too old not to be married? Almost all your colleagues and friends are having their kids? Is it because all your cousins’ children are calling you aunt or uncle? Seriously, you might just want to prove to your ex that dumped you or that you dumped that you are capable of getting married. You have been called names and you just want people to know that nothing is wrong with you? Who doesn’t want to do good things that others are doing anyways? Please, make the call now.

Are you in a pity-relationship? I understand. You guys have dated for over several years so it just has to end well. He has really tried for you when you were nothing. She collected her parents’ money to send you through school so you need to compensate her. You will appear mean if you decide to quit even when you are not feeling the whole thing again. What will people say when they hear you are guys are no more together despite what you have been through together? Yes o! It’s not good to be wicked. Besides, people’s opinions do matter yea? So make the appointment with the wedding planner.

Oh! She is your baby-mama? He is the father of your child. You guys need to get married for the sake of the child? You don’t really want to get pregnant but now you don’t know if any man would want to get married to an ‘after one’ so you will stick with him despite the fact that it’s glaring he doesn’t love you? You love your baby so much you won’t want another woman to maltreat your child. So you will put up with her though she is not what you really desire? Truly, it won’t be nice if you people let the child suffer for your mistakes so for the child, call the planner.

Were you betrothed to each other? Your coming together is as a result of a pact reached by your parents? They feel the families are close and a marital bond will make it stronger? They must unite the two of you so that the family business will continue and the wealth still within the circle? And the truth is you don’t really like this other person. But you need to honor your father and mother right? It’s a commandment to do so. So you don’t have a choice se? Make the call straight away.

Are you getting married because you need to give birth? If not that you need a legitimate biological child to carry on with the family name, you wouldn’t want to get married. Or you just want to marry for marrying sake? There are some privileges that won’t be accrued to you if you don’t get married? Please get married by force o. you need to fulfill your desire.

There are a million and one reasons why the wedding planner must be called but are the reasons genuine? Are the reasons really true? Have you ever thought if you could forever pitch your tent with your partner even if situation changes? Are you sincerely happy from the depth of your heart when you people are together alone? Are you having a beautiful relationship or just coping with him or her? Do you trust him at all? Has that crazy doubt for whatever reason, ever raced through your mind yet you still want to stick? Are your moves really you or just borne out of anxiety, fear or desperation?

Don’t get me wrong. I am not against you getting married. A tweet – ‘if you pay your girlfriend an unexpected visit and she doesn’t fidget when you are fiddling with her BB…call a wedding planner’- inspired this. What if that girlfriend of yours has another phone? What if your boyfriend’s other girlfriends know when to call and when not to call him? What if her boyfriends’ contacts are stored as female names? What if those incriminating chats are never left undeleted a second after discussion? What if…?

Am I afraid? No! I am just worried. Worried why marriages of six months are falling and that of 60years are still standing. I am uneasy why homes of less than five years are collapsing. I am bothered why even the marriages of our so called religious leaders who are supposed to be our guides are failing. I am disturbed because of a woman that loved her husband is now cheating. I am perturbed because some married men are no longer eager to go home after work. I am confused because just less than a year after making that vow, you are (still) sleeping with your colleague(s). I am flustered because your friend knows more about you than your husband (wife). There is commotion in my head because I can’t seem to place what went wrong after the wedding planner left.

You don’t need to be an expert to know some things. It’s just common sense. You should know marriage shouldn’t be based on sentiment. It should never be out of desperation. Peer or family pressure shouldn’t be a reason why we must get married. You should at this age know it will be the costliest mistake to hang-in based on pity. Because she is my first love or I her first love should never be a reason for holding on to what is apparently wrong. We shouldn’t go gold-digging, ‘silver-mining’ or ‘diamond-seeking’ as reasons for calling the wedding planner. We must ensure that our reasons are based on genuine concern, care and love for all the parties involved. The purpose of marriage shouldn’t be self-serving.

Believe me, there is a place of God in choosing right. Prayer is key, Grace is vital and Favor is essential.

Joobreel