2012 - 2013

So 2012 has come and gone with its plenty ups and downs. Subsidy here, Boko Haram there. We had the floods, the crashes, the kidnappings, fireworks bomb and plenty other terrible things. We also had the good ones – births, weddings, change of jobs, plenty business opportunities, self-development,  good health etc. For all these events either positive or negative, we need to thank God. For those that got hit very negatively, may God grant you the fortitude to bear the loss. Amen.

Before I continue with this (what should I call it sef) thing that am writing, be informed that it is unscripted, unedited, non-proofread; I am writing it the way it comes. Free styling.  Its supposed to be written last year 31^st December but its not too late coming today. So I will just put it down the way it comes. It’s a like a recap of my events in 2012 and also like a ‘thank you, am grateful’ kinda thing.

2012 wasn’t really eventful like that like that but there were beautiful moments. Moments like when my oga (Kazeem Ogungbefun) exposed me to some critical parts of what my career entails. Ok, there was a 3months PP that I got that came at most ccrucial moment when I needed it. Ok, what else? Hmm thinking…  ok. My formal introduction to the most wonderful lady in the world. She actually is my dream come true. I wanted to post pictures here but I thought otherwise because of some… how would I forget the most beautiful event of 2012, I cant o. it’s the most memorable of all.  So colorful  with astonishing red and a cool grey to tone it down.  Quickly, I am using this medium to thank all that made that day a wonderful one. God bless you all.

See let me quickly do some spiritual stuffs here. I learnt that Abraham didn’t get his blessings until he separated from Lot his cousin. Forget it, ma wo oju Uche one bit. If you and person spirit no work, omo abeg Ben Johnson o. No better still, Usain Bolt one time. Don’t dull yourself at all. Dbanj Separate from DonJazzy na and the world no end. Now, one isn’t disturbing d other cos they both have separate lives initially and they are both flourishing. There would have been issues if the whole of Dapo’s life was attached to Collins or vice versa. Na there Gbege go happen.  Some attachments be it whatever are not by force o. let  me end it here.

Hmm, before I end am, I tink I need to be sepearated from some Lots in my project group o. I wont say more than that. If u need more explanation, get to me in camera.

And some people really rocked my 2012 apart from my parents (fortunately for me, I have 5 parents if you count them one by one. A mum, a dad, another mum, another dad, then the last dad. Five of them.); my super-duper special Aunt-  Sade Bolade; my amiable sister – Sade Agbogunleri ; my  Uncle and Friend – Simbo Okubadejo and his wife. My brother, friend and counselor (winks*) -  Bode Bolade, My Beautiful and ever stand well well sister – Bisi Agbogunleri. My brothers and friends, Seun Ogunjobi, Sobukunola Ibukun and Idowu Adebanjo.  My sister -  Florence Onisarotu. My big Brother –  Bashiru Olanrewaju Adepoju.  My ever on-point sister, Olashope Bolade.  Uncle Abo, Chidi ,  Lamipo, Akinsope, Todimu, Eniola, Yemi Ajala, Kolade, Tobi, Bola, Proxy, Alex, Femi, Salewa and Alero Elizabeth Johnson. All of you and AEJ in Particular, have really made my world very beautiful one to live. I am so very grateful for your support. God will Dasi Oro Aye ti e yin na. Amin Ase Edumare

If you happen not to see your name there dosent mean we didn’t rock together o. na space no de to write all the names.  And we are just beginning this year na, so plenty avenues yapa to jollificate together.

Now, to Baba God. I am most grateful. I appreiciate my being alive in good health and wealth. Concerning our discussion Alagbada Ina, na your hand I dey. I have commited in 2013 into your hands, make things just gel ni o.

So let me go  now, I have Ijewuru to attend at my Second family house. Them kill Ram sef so plenty to eat.

Catch you guys more this year than last. I  hope so sha if daily events don’t make me 4get that I need to come here once once in a while.

Joobreel

Lest I forget, u can use ur bb to browse on your laptop o. it might be a stale news sha but me just realized. Its what am using write now. all thanks to my Olori Ebi 1, Bababode Olabode  Bolade (BOB).  See me if u didn’t know

NAIJA @ 52

I don’t know what was in the minds of those that agitated for Naija independence because I wasn’t there. If my father is 58 and my mother 55, that means the older between them was just 6 years older than Nigeria and He sure must still be wearing only pants then, so how can I know the minds of the Tafawa Balewa, Obafemi Awolowo and the likes when I was not even in the picture at all.

So history, struggle and independence itself that I know are as a result of gists and what I read in books. That the struggle for independence took 15 years, I read it; that Nigerians waited patiently for documentation blah blah for 2 years I read; that Representatives of the Regional Governments, of former Central Governments, of the Missionary Societies, and of the Banking and Commercial enterprises, and members, both past and present, of the Public Service were present during the ceremony, I read. That it was even Sir Abubakar Tafawa Balewa (ATB) that read the Independence speech sef, na read I read am for book. So what’s now my stress of killing myself when I didn’t even know what transpired except what I read and am not sure all I read were not doctored.

Why should I open my dirty mouth or put my sticky fingers to work at hauling insults to people at the helms of affairs when I don’t even know if that’s the goal for independence   - self enrichment although in Sir ATB’s speech some 52 years ago, he said and I quote ‘We, the elected representatives of the people of Nigeria, concentrated on proving that we were fully capable of managing our own affairs both internally and as a nation. However, we were not to be allowed the selfish luxury of focusing our interest on our own homes.’ Meaning they didn’t plan to be corrupt initially but If our crop of present representatives has assented to ‘chopping’ selfishly our collective resources, let them carry on. I will try as much as possible not to derail by not insulting them.

Briefly, there was Boston Tea Party that escalated to American Revolutionary War in 1775 before Americans gained there independence in July 4, 1776. There was American Civil War (1861 -65) 89 years after American independence. The United States became the leading industrialized power at the turn of the 20th century. Disgust with corruption, waste, and traditional politics stimulated the Progressive movement, (1890s–1920s) 144 years after independence. There was Wall Street crash in 1929 (153 years after independence) which marked the onset of the Great Depression. There was even the Pearl Harbor attack that led to World War II on December 7, 1941 (165 years after independence). And the story goes on and on.

There were 3 English Civil wars (1642-46), 91648-49) and (1649-51). These wars concerned focused on who ruled while there were  wars of the three Kingdoms that concerned itself with the manner of governing the three kingdoms of Scotland, England and Ireland. For France, there were power tussles following the death of the last Capetian monarch in 1337 until 1870 when a more lasting French third republic was established (233 years).

I chose these developed countries because they are always our basis of judgment when we want to criticize the present day government. It’s not that we didn’t go through our own war (Nigerian 1967-1970) but where are we today? Are we not better than these nations when Ages are compared?

 There are turmoil north, south, west and east. Book haram here, Militants there; PDP there, ACN here; PHCN, Nigerian Police Force, NNPC, NPA and so on. These organizations are the ills of this great nation. And just as we have OBJ, IBB, BAT, Buhari, Atiku, and the likes as individual ills, we also have YOU and I. So stop venting unnecessarily.

I have not come to say Nigeria has a nation has done well, yet I won’t want us to force Her into running when she is still suppose to be crawling.  She is a peculiar nation that has defied all mathematical and economics calculations. An imported theory will not work in Nigeria. We have to device a means of individually putting our best and collectively working together, then will our nation be greater for it.

Yea, we have not done well as a nation, yet we are not at war. It calls for celebration. Happy 52nd Birthday my Nigeria.

God Bless Niaja

Joobreel

Not Another Poetry

This is not another poetry

It’s a message to my community

It's about numerous landlords in the cemetery

A tale about many tenants in the mortuary

There were even discuss about candidates of obituary

But we are privileged to be worshipers in the sanctuary

And there is a man who keeps the records in His diary

And He does this without Salary

This is not another parable

Not a story of camel passing through needle

It is a clear injunction from the Bible

An instruction to his people

That they must not be weary or become feeble

But they should remain steadfast to be eligible

And that the weak should hold on to the mantle

For ahead is a journey which they must not stumble

This is not another rhyme

But a reminder of the available short time

That the devil may not on your soul lay claim

Repent now, at hand is His Kingdom

You cannot tell about tomorrow, don’t assume

Let not your life be like a tragic film

Let go your sins and follow Him

It’s a choice and I choose life – are you game?

Joobreel

Girl of my Fantasy

this kind of girl i cannot secretly Admire

i have to step up to her and make her my Lover

i dream you become the  Empress of my Empire

love so Real, a Rare gem, i can’t wait any longer

my One and Only

the one that keeps me going, my Oxygen

the girl of my fantasy, her Presence is Paradise, very Pleasing

a perfect Example of my kind of woman, in her Eyes i see the light and its drawing me closer

Yes, i Yearn your response be to the question

Eternal, i wish your grip on my Emotion

my hourglass-shaped  princess, i pray you forever be Mine

like an Icing on cake, you give my being the extra zing

make a wish Jasmine and I will be your Jinni

Omo to shan, Omo to dun, Omo to jinna

you are my Hope, a beautiful Home is your Heart to me

a faultless description of NAWTI

my Sunshine, I promise I will Stand by my words

my very Own queen, your smile makes my heart race

a lady of substance and Nobility

Joobreel

Its My Take, Not Yours

I used to think that ‘happiness is a choice not a gift’. I believed I could choose to be happy or not. I usually think I could practically choose my mood. I was in charge of my emotions or so I thought. I could just pick when to be sad, jumpy, happy, excited, angry, sloppy, sentimental, mushy etc. I was damn wrong. I was so wrong that I scored zero percent.

I ‘m thinking, how happy can I be seeing a close friend dying of a terminal disease? How happy can you be getting to the market and seeing a mad woman who you knew when she was sane? How would you explain your happiness when you just witnessed a primary school pupil being hit by a runaway bus driver? These invariably mean that we most times can dictate our emotions, the environment and events decide a larger part.

I think what we can choose is either to continue in our present emotional state or not. So I will paraphrase – ‘remaining happy is a choice, not a gift’

And seriously if I want to get over any negative emotion, I just slam the earphones on and listen to great music. It works for me. It takes my mind of that negativity and before I know it, I am up and kicking again. But music can’t do some things. It only relieves me for the moment and later these nonsense, irritating, grotesque, bizarre, saddening thoughts re-converge and make my brain their dwelling place. So this best I do is to completely obliterate them.

See, to totally eradicate these bullshits, you have to be firm with your decisions. You have to be more than aware; you must acknowledge you are responsible for some certain chains of event in your life. Inasmuch as God wants us to do His will, He also gave the liberty to choose. If you fucking choose to live with dirt, garbage, despair, fear; be fully prepared for the outcome.

If you permit people’s saying and decisions to rule the affairs of your life, then all the best. In other words, if you please ‘them’ at our peril, I can only wish you well.

What has forgiveness got to do with this? Why can’t I forgive to be happy?

I swiftly forgive. Like in minutes, I forgive but the thing is I have a super-duper memory. I hardly forget. How do you expect me to forget that you slept with my girlfriend? I will forgive the two of you but be rest assured that I can’t forget. And the moment I can’t forget, your every day presence in my vicinity will be killing. So to be happy, I better not see the friend or girlfriend. Case settled. You will adjudge me a dummy if I forget such a dastardly event. Some people and occurrences will just suck happiness out your life and the best you can do is to avoid such people.

If their presence suck your energy rather than refresh you, please get the broom and sweep them off. How well have they made their lives beautiful before coming to decide mine?

 I have the strength to control a minute part of my emotions and I will do that without fear or favor. Don’t dictate the pace of my life for me, please fuck off!

Joobreel

I am Nigeria's Problem

With heaviness of heart and yet gratitude to my conscience that pricks me, I solemnly admit that I am responsible for the chaos in Nigeria today. I agree in totality to any punishment that should be meted on me. I either have to be jailed for the atrocities I have committed (if you will be merciful enough) or just shoot me with a pump-action in the head so that I will die that Nigeria might be great.  I have sinned against man and God. I have made Nigeria lesser than what it is supposed to be.

Nigeria (named in 1914 by Lord Luggard) from my perspective is ‘a geographical space located in a particular part of the earth that houses a particular set of people’. This means that ‘a set of people’ existed before the existence of ‘Nigeria’. In other words, the people make up Nigeria, not Nigeria making up the people. Ehen now, it consequently means that I am responsible for what Nigeria becomes as Nigeria is just a space- a non-living thing.

 The speed at which I point accusing finger at others baffles me sef. I am quick to judge the president for being clueless, Lilly-livered, weak, dumb, insensitive, corrupt, stupid, etc. I can easily write on facebook, twitter and the likes, about how former Presidents stole money, how the senate president takes home N600million annually, how the speaker misappropriated N40billion, how the Governors embezzle state funds, how a chairman this, how a house of rep member that. Effortlessly, I can list the names of corrupt politicians in this Nigeria of ours - it would be a painless endeavor. All these politicians are responsible for what Nigeria is today. Isn’t that the nationwide acceptable fact?

It is convenient to become an opposition (that’s the trending word towards 2015) when I fall out of favor of those that are ‘eating’ the money. ‘The voice of the oppressed’, ‘the make Nigeria group’, ‘face of the new Nigeria’ and many other slogans emanate from those that were initially with the looters of the nation treasury but have been booted out. Or how do we explain the case of a former FCT minister that has suddenly become an opposition – ‘a certified Ruffler of Feathers’ whose view about Nigeria for 50 years suddenly changed? Is it that he was not part of the politicians during the 50 years of existence of the Nigerian State? Some even find it very leisurely to move from the opposition to the supporting side. This is the case of a super writer, a shrewd editor, a social critic, the voice of the people who overnight became the town crier for the corrupt persons he initially condemned. (Like I said earlier, I am good at pointing accusing fingers. I just pointed my rotten fingers at two ‘patriots’ of Nigeria).

In essence, any political office holder especially those that have been around for long should be killed. That’s what we all advocate for. Revolution! They must all die. They have plunged this nation into disaster. They have looted the treasury. They are borrowing money from World Bank only to siphon them into private accounts. They are thieves, rogues, criminals, and crooks, name all the synonyms.

Before we revolt, is the Pastor of my church that collects tithes and offerings without knowing the source of the money a politician? Is my project supervisor in the University that expects me to buy him N1000 credit before he attends to me a politician? Is my gateman that ought to pay N10000 for PHCN pre-paid bill but that bought N8500 worth of credit a politician? Is the civil servant that earns 80k monthly and has no other job but throws a birthday bash of N4million a politician? Is the boss that collects 900k monthly as fees for his staff from clients but pays that same staff 70k as salary a politician? Is the bus-conductor that short-changed you a politician? Is the sales person that sells products at rate higher than the company’s price and diverts the loot a politician? Is the film producer that dupes the marketer that drops money for film production a politician? Is that gala seller that sold gala and gave you N20 change instead of N50 because it was in the dark a politician? Is that plumber that buys a tap at N3800 instead of N1500 a politician? Is your colleague that sleeps at a friend’s place when he went on an official assignment at Port Harcourt and comes back to Lagos with N20k per night hotel receipt a politician? Yet we shout that the politicians are the bane of Nigeria.

Is the boyfriend that tricks her girlfriend to collect money from her a politician? Is the lady that sleeps with old men for cash a politician? Is the father that lies he doesn’t have money but sleeps and spends money on little girls a politician? Is the woman in charge of verification of qualified candidates for scholarship that puts unqualified friends and family members as beneficiaries a politician? Is the man that buys special JAMB form for his child a politician? Is the driver that hikes transport fare at rush hour a politician? Is the fuel attendant at the gas station that dispensed the wrong quantity of fuel a politician?

The common man on the street of Nigeria is Nigeria’s greatest problem. I am Nigeria’s problem. If the politicians decide to do things the ways they know best, must I follow suit? Must I assist them in plunging Nigeria into greater darkness? Must I be absent from work and tell my boss I am ill? Must I lie to my parents that I need some materials in school when I don’t?  Must I as a driver buy 45litres fuel and tell my boss I bought 55litres? The ‘must I’ list is endless.

What are we now saying? There is no Nigeria without Nigerians? Nigeria is made up individual Nigerians. You and I are microcosms of the geographical space called Nigeria. It is what each and every one of us does that makes up the sum total of the acclaimed corruption in Nigeria. Little wrong things we do in our homes, offices, schools, workshops, religious centers, markets are responsible for the state we find this Nation. We should cease the accusations and counter-accusations.

Not until you truthfully admit that you as an individual contribute to the mess on ground, then Nigeria will never move forward. You might want to console yourself that the N1k you maneuvered is infinitesimal compared to what the politicians do. But if 20million Nigerians do that daily like you do, tell me how large the amount we have collectively stolen from Nigeria. Till you accept that you are culpable in your little ways; till we accept that our greed, self-indulgence, materialism, gluttony, insatiability and self-seeking acts are contributing to the decadence of Nigeria;   we will always remain a failed nation.

Stop pointing fingers and admit you are Nigeria’s greatest enemy.

Joobreel

10 Signs it’s Time to Let Go

Holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving on is often what makes us stronger and happier.Here are ten signs it’s time to let go:1.        Someone expects you to be someone you’re not. – Don’t change who you are for anyone else.  It’s wiser to lose someone over being who you are, than to keep them by being someone you’re not.  Because it’s easier to mend a broken heart, than it is to piece together a shattered identity.  It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where YOU used to be.

2.       A person’s actions don’t match their words. – Everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow.  If someone has the opposite effect on you, because they are consistently inconsistent and their actions don’t match up with their words, it’s time to let them go.  It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company.  True friendship is a promise made in the heart – silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time.  Don’t listen to what people say; watch what they do.  Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves over time.

3.       You catch yourself forcing someone to love you. – Let us keep in mind that we can’t force anyone to love us.  We shouldn’t beg someone to stay when they want to leave.  That’s what love is all about – freedom.  However, the end of love is not the end of life.  It should be the beginning of an understanding that love sometimes leaves for a reason, but never leaves without a lesson.  If someone truly loves you, they will never give you a reason to doubt it.  Anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you, but it takes someone really special to stay in your life and prove how much they love you.  Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right person, but the right person is always worth the wait.  Read The Road Less Traveled.

4.       An intimate relationship is based strictly on physical attraction. – Being beautiful is more than how many people you can get to look at you, or how others perceive you at a single glance.  It’s about what you live for.  It’s about what defines you.  It’s about the depth of your heart, and what makes you unique.  It’s about being who you are and living out your life honestly.  It’s about those little quirks that make you, you.  People who are only attracted to you because of your pretty face or nice body won’t stay by your side forever.  But the people who can see how beautiful your heart is will never leave you.

5.        Someone continuously breaks your trust. – Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to.  When you completely trust a person, without any doubt, you’ll automatically get one of two results - a FRIEND for life or a LESSON for life.  Either way there’s a positive outcome.  Either you confirm the fact that this person cares about you, or you get the opportunity to weed them out of your life and make room for those who do.  In the end you’ll discover who’s fake, who’s true, and who would risk it all for you.  And trust me; some people will totally surprise you.

6.       Someone continuously overlooks your worth. – Know your worth!  When you give yourself to someone who doesn’t respect you, you surrender pieces of your soul that you’ll never get back.  There comes a point when you have to let go and stop chasing some people.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll find a way to put you there.  Sometimes you just need to let go and accept the fact that they don’t care for you the way you care for them.  Let them leave your life quietly.  Letting go is oftentimes easier than holding on.  We think it’s too hard to let go, until we actually do.  Then we ask ourselves, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”

7.        You are never given a chance to speak your mind. – Sometimes an argument saves a relationship, whereas silence breaks it.  Speak up for your heart so that you won’t have regrets.  Life is not about making others happy.  Life is about being honest and sharing your happiness with others.

8.       You are frequently forced to sacrifice your happiness. – If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative before you know it.  Know when to close the account.  It’s always better to be alone with dignity than in a relationship that constantly requires you to sacrifice your happiness and self-respect.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.

9.       You truly dislike your current situation, routine, job, etc. – It’s better to be a failure at something you love than to succeed at doing something you hate.  Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours.  The best thing you can do in life is follow your heart.  Take risks.  Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen.  If you do, nothing will ever happen.  Chances must be taken, mistakes must be made, and lessons must be learned.  It might be an uphill climb, but when you reach that mountaintop it will be worth every ounce of blood, sweat and tears you put into it.

10.     You catch yourself obsessing over, and living in, the past. – Eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain.  Eventually you will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time.  After all, what matters most is not the first, but the final chapter of your life, which unveils the details of how well you wrote your story.  So let go of the past, set yourself free, and open your mind to the possibility of new relationships and priceless experiences.  Read The Power of Now.

And the one thing you should never let go of is hope.  Remember what you deserve and keep pushing forward.  Someday all the pieces will come together.  Unimaginably good things will transpire in your life, even if everything doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had anticipated.  And you will look back at the times that have passed, smile, and ask yourself, “How did I get through all of that?” http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/04/02/10-signs-its-time-to-let-go/

Before the Wedding Planner

If you are married, I guess your cross has been carried already so this isn’t for you. If you have a good partner, you will be happy and successful. If you have a bad one, the best you can be in your lifetime is a philosopher. For those that are still waiting to put on the smallest handcuff, follow me.

A day will come when you will have to answer the questions ‘what will I wear?’ ‘Who will be invited?’ ‘What venue is the ideal?’ ‘What meals will be served?’ ‘What will the cake look like?’ ‘How big will the party be?’ and many others like that. Then you will either enquire from those that have the handcuffs on, consult with your parents or just give a wedding planner ‘the call’.

Before you make that call, have you ever asked yourself why you want to get married? At what point did you conclude that marriage is the next big thing? What exactly informed your decision to get married? When did it cross your mind that you can get married to your partner? Who made the decision, was it you and your partner or you guys’ parents? Is s(he) ideal for you? What is your motive for getting married?

Could it be for financial reasons? You think or know he is capable of catering for your all ‘spending’? Was it because you know she is an independent woman who can take care of herself. Maybe his/her parents are financially capable and they won’t be burdens on you. Could it be because your future is secured with him/her? Could it be for gold-digging? Well, who wants to suffer these days? Carry on my friend; call the wedding planner right away.

Could it be because you are under pressure? You are too old not to be married? Almost all your colleagues and friends are having their kids? Is it because all your cousins’ children are calling you aunt or uncle? Seriously, you might just want to prove to your ex that dumped you or that you dumped that you are capable of getting married. You have been called names and you just want people to know that nothing is wrong with you? Who doesn’t want to do good things that others are doing anyways? Please, make the call now.

Are you in a pity-relationship? I understand. You guys have dated for over several years so it just has to end well. He has really tried for you when you were nothing. She collected her parents’ money to send you through school so you need to compensate her. You will appear mean if you decide to quit even when you are not feeling the whole thing again. What will people say when they hear you are guys are no more together despite what you have been through together? Yes o! It’s not good to be wicked. Besides, people’s opinions do matter yea? So make the appointment with the wedding planner.

Oh! She is your baby-mama? He is the father of your child. You guys need to get married for the sake of the child? You don’t really want to get pregnant but now you don’t know if any man would want to get married to an ‘after one’ so you will stick with him despite the fact that it’s glaring he doesn’t love you? You love your baby so much you won’t want another woman to maltreat your child. So you will put up with her though she is not what you really desire? Truly, it won’t be nice if you people let the child suffer for your mistakes so for the child, call the planner.

Were you betrothed to each other? Your coming together is as a result of a pact reached by your parents? They feel the families are close and a marital bond will make it stronger? They must unite the two of you so that the family business will continue and the wealth still within the circle? And the truth is you don’t really like this other person. But you need to honor your father and mother right? It’s a commandment to do so. So you don’t have a choice se? Make the call straight away.

Are you getting married because you need to give birth? If not that you need a legitimate biological child to carry on with the family name, you wouldn’t want to get married. Or you just want to marry for marrying sake? There are some privileges that won’t be accrued to you if you don’t get married? Please get married by force o. you need to fulfill your desire.

There are a million and one reasons why the wedding planner must be called but are the reasons genuine? Are the reasons really true? Have you ever thought if you could forever pitch your tent with your partner even if situation changes? Are you sincerely happy from the depth of your heart when you people are together alone? Are you having a beautiful relationship or just coping with him or her? Do you trust him at all? Has that crazy doubt for whatever reason, ever raced through your mind yet you still want to stick? Are your moves really you or just borne out of anxiety, fear or desperation?

Don’t get me wrong. I am not against you getting married. A tweet – ‘if you pay your girlfriend an unexpected visit and she doesn’t fidget when you are fiddling with her BB…call a wedding planner’- inspired this. What if that girlfriend of yours has another phone? What if your boyfriend’s other girlfriends know when to call and when not to call him? What if her boyfriends’ contacts are stored as female names? What if those incriminating chats are never left undeleted a second after discussion? What if…?

Am I afraid? No! I am just worried. Worried why marriages of six months are falling and that of 60years are still standing. I am uneasy why homes of less than five years are collapsing. I am bothered why even the marriages of our so called religious leaders who are supposed to be our guides are failing. I am disturbed because of a woman that loved her husband is now cheating. I am perturbed because some married men are no longer eager to go home after work. I am confused because just less than a year after making that vow, you are (still) sleeping with your colleague(s). I am flustered because your friend knows more about you than your husband (wife). There is commotion in my head because I can’t seem to place what went wrong after the wedding planner left.

You don’t need to be an expert to know some things. It’s just common sense. You should know marriage shouldn’t be based on sentiment. It should never be out of desperation. Peer or family pressure shouldn’t be a reason why we must get married. You should at this age know it will be the costliest mistake to hang-in based on pity. Because she is my first love or I her first love should never be a reason for holding on to what is apparently wrong. We shouldn’t go gold-digging, ‘silver-mining’ or ‘diamond-seeking’ as reasons for calling the wedding planner. We must ensure that our reasons are based on genuine concern, care and love for all the parties involved. The purpose of marriage shouldn’t be self-serving.

Believe me, there is a place of God in choosing right. Prayer is key, Grace is vital and Favor is essential.

Joobreel 

To My Adorable Aunt

Moments like birthdays are where we are opportune to tell our dear ones how feel about them. I am not a natural at expressing deep-rooted thoughts about people but for you, I will try. I will put my all into saying it the way it comes from my heart on what I have over the years known you to be.

I got to know you more when I desperately needed guidance. I was very young and on the verge of taking the next leap in life, a new phase, a gigantic step. I closely watched you from afar. I was skeptical at first if I there is something to learn from you. You seem to have some aura of boundaries around you. Some air of mystery. You were elusive. So I drew nearer and two qualities I got from you - hard work and patience.

I discovered you put everything into anything you do. You studied hard when I thought you should have stopped reading. You put your might into what you find you set your hands on. You didn’t use to cook always but when you do, it was like a perfect meal from above. One could even see the beautiful hard work in what you wear and how you wear it. You were never exposing, showy nor flashy but always on-point. And when you counsel me, I marvel at the manner at which you preach hard work.

Aunty Sade, though you had your ups and down in life as every human does, you were always patient. You are brisk and smart yet, never in a hurry. You do things one at a time, a step after the other and you always finish strong. You set your eyes on your goal and work your ways patiently at it till you get the prize. You were never tetchy, never grumpy; always persistent.

With age and time, your being transcends these qualities. You are a success-builder. You believed in the theory of ‘you become successful when those around you are successful.’ You build doors where there are none for opportunities to knock on. You impact positively everyone that is lucky to meet you. You are so welcoming and pleasant, always ready to be of assistance; so approachable on any subject matter.

Sista Mi (as we fondly call you), you are not an egoist-always selfless. I have also learnt that I don’t have to be the ‘head of state’ or the head of family before I can do my bit. You are a perfect practitioner of ‘When deeds speak, words are nothing.’ You just don’t say things, you do them. You are not boastful. I learnt I can always go a little more.  You made me see the beauty in making people.’ 

 I appreciate all that you have been to me. Your counsel is an unwavering voice that kept me through trying periods.

Just like I can’t talk about all I learnt from you enough, I can’t pray for you enough either. But these prayer I say to God concerning you that just like a living tree planted by the riverside, you shall forever be watered.  Your source shall never run dry.

Happy Birthday Ma, God bless you.

Olori Oko (as u fondly call me)

Revenge Served Cold

Not too long ago in a not too far away village called Airegin where the source of livelihood lies in palm kernel oil, there was an uprising that almost engulfed the land. Fathers were killing sons, daughters were eating their mothers, friends became sworn enemies and the gods kept silent. There was rape, famine, pain and agony in the land. Innocent bloods were spilled, evil persisted yet, the keepers of the gate left it open. Palm kernels were harvested in millions of bunches by the winning group and anyone who stood against them or that was not in their support was either killed or jailed. You either stand with them or die. Just a little indifference will cost you your life either directly on the pathways as you walk or indirectly in their jails. There was total chaos. There was no mercy.

When the revolt and counter-revolt got to an unbearable point, the Elders of a neighboring land of ASU waded in the troubled waters of Airegin. They called all the warring factions in the land and advised them on what to do. They said they did it in their land and it is working. That even the fore-fathers of Airegin did it and it worked before greed scattered it. So the people of Airegin took the advice. They would unanimously appoint a king that would rule for a maximum of 52moons twice. This pegs his total ruling season at 104moons. This king will have an Otun that will step in if he the king is unavailable, messes up or dies. There will also be two ruling but different councils of chiefs that would be selected from each family in the village. These councils will serve as guides to the king. They will also have the authority to dethrone by majority, the king of the land. With this arrangement, the elders of ASU said, no family will cheated and there will be equality in the land.

So a man named Oba who came from the family of the cheated was agreed upon to be the King. And just as advised, he had Otun and the council of chiefs. With Oba’s experience as a former warrior, he was able to successfully rule for the first 52moons. By the time he was coming for his second season, he had become very powerful. He became so powerful the people that those who sponsored his selection could not handle him. He wielded his Kingly power so much he became a terror to them. He was able to impose in his friends, praise-singers, concubines and loyalists among families as chiefs in the two councils. He gave palm kernel merchandize to some of his God-sons, to some he appointed as advisers in his palace, to some as liaison chiefs between his village and other villages. He became a force to reckon with in the land, you dare not go against him. He will crush you.

When he was leaving after he ruled 104moons, he imposed one of his concubines – Heytay, as the head of one of the councils of chiefs when the next king was being installed. Other chiefs were furious but could not do much because of Oba’s Influence. About four-half moons into the new season, Heytay used 628 bags of cowries to buy 12 horses and repair her hut. This was the mistake that the chiefs were looking for. They fumed fire and brimstone. They would not agree that Heytey remains their head. There would be no gathering of the chiefs if she doesn’t vacate the position as their head. A chief named Pharook led this brouhaha. It was bad enough she was head, but now that she has done something wrong, she must go. Oba’s power could not withstand the insurrection; his concubine had to be removed as the head. Oba bowed out in shame.

Several moons later, it was discovered that palms harvested on the farms were more than the oils produced. Some Palm Kernel merchants were suspected to be stealing from the village. Chief Pharook who has been a member of the council of chiefs from inception was appointed as a team-head  of chiefs that will look into the case. Chief Pharook was chosen because of his long-lasting uprightness in the council. After so much investigation, a particular merchant was among those that were fingered to be stealing. Ifetola is his name and he happens to be Oba’s godson. Though he is a palm merchant, he doesn’t produce oil. His trade is to produce chaff used for cooking. Chief Pharook told him he would have to pay.

So Ifetola ran to Oba and told him about events unfolding. Oba responded, ‘my son, everybody steals. Everybody is a thief, just that they have not been caught. I will teach you what to do.’ And he added ‘I even have personal issue with that Pharook. He was the one that led the chiefs that ouster my concubine as their head. I will deal with him.’ He said he would let Pharook know that ‘once a king, always a king.’ And Ifetola knowing that no one offends Oba and goes scot-free, he allowed his godfather played the game he knows how to play best-revenge.

Oba called the head of the king’s guard, told him he wants to make a thief out of Pharook in the eyes of the villagers.  He also told Ifetola to promise Pharook 450 bags of cowries so that he would not be named among those that will pay for stealing. He said to his son ‘everybody has a price; it is for u to know the amount.’ Ifetola did as he was told. He called Pharook and gave him some painted cowries in the presence of the king’s guards without his knowledge. After two moons, Oba told Ifetola, ‘though he has removed your name, now is the time to nail him.’

So Ifetola came out openly to tell the villagers that he gave Pharook some handfuls of cowries and set the king’s guards to be witnesses. And chief pharook went back and forth on collecting or not collecting the cowries. Pharook then said he collected it to let the villagers know that Ifetola bribed him. And the story kept going to and fro.

One thing is clear; Ifetola can’t have access to the king’s guards if his godfather did not pull the strings. He would have gone to the village guards if it was his idea to show that he was not a thief. And if he (or is it his godfather?) didn’t have ulterior motives, he wouldn’t have confessed after his name has been removed. Moreover, how did he manage to be among the richest men in the village in just 728moons (three-half seasons)?

And either chief Pharook admits it or not, either he demanded or he was enticed, either he has supporters or not, he is going down in history as a pretending and corrupt chief. His brilliantly built image as a chief of repute has been bashed. He has found himself on the tree with branches far apart. It doesn’t matter if he is a Nailizarb or Nairegin monkey, any attempt to leap will bring him smashing on the ground with an echoing thud. Just has Heytay made that disgraceful move, Pharook fell for the bait and believe me, the battle is beyond him and Ifetola. He has found himself in an intricate web which he can’t loosen himself from.

Is Oba the person at war with Pharook?

Joobreel

9 Ways To Become an Optimist

Some people are more optimistic by nature, but optimism is not a fixed attribute.  It’s a choice we have control over.  Every morning, we either choose to wake up grumpy or wake up with a positive outlook.  Research has shown that, in the long run, optimistic people handle stress better, get sick less often, live longer, and are happier and more successful than their pessimistic counterparts.

The good news is that we can all develop skills to improve optimism.  Here are nine ideas to get you started:

1.  Find the opportunity in every difficulty.

‘Optimist’ is a word which here refers to a person who focuses on the positive.  For instance, if an optimist lost her left arm in a car accident, she might say in a hopeful voice, “I’m alive.  I don’t have my left arm anymore, but I do have my right one, and my life still to live.”

Optimism does not mean ignoring the problem entirely; it means understanding that setbacks are inevitable, often temporary, and that you have the skills and abilities to combat the challenges you face.  What you are dealing with may be difficult, but it is important to remain hopeful and positive about a brighter future.  Optimism will inspire a sense of hopefulness and the confidence that is required to take full advantage of the opportunities that do exist.  Remember, the most beautiful rainbows come from the sunlight after a very dark storm.

2.  Surround yourself with positive people.

You are only as good as the company you keep.  If you’re around gloomy people, there’s a good chance you won’t to be smiling.  Make it your mission to dodge negativity.  Surround yourself with supportive friends who have positive outlooks.  As they say, if you want to soar with the eagles, you have to stop hanging out with the ducks.

Optimism is a learned habit, and it is positively contagious.  Surround yourself with people who could infect you with positivity.  In turn pass your new good mood on to a friend or stranger in words and deed – let somebody have that parking space, let that person with only a few items cut in front of you at the market.  The simple act of doing something nice for others is actually a good pick-me-up all by itself.

3.  Give love, receive love, and invest in love.

LOVE:  It’s the greatest force in the universe.  It’s a treasure that people would give anything for, yet it costs nothing to give and receive. There is an endless supply, and it can be extended to family, friends and strangers at any moment.  It increases positivity and acts like a shield against negativity.  It forgives, heals, encourages and inspires.

Give love, receive love and invest in love every day.  Because where you invest your love, you invest your life.

4.  Be realistic, and expect ups and downs.

A foundation of realism keeps things in perspective, and helps prevent things from being blown out of proportion.  Just because you’re an optimist doesn’t mean you’re not going to have bad days.  You will – that’s reality.  Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies.

Trying to be 100% positive all the time is wanting to be an ocean in which waves only rise up and never come crashing down.  However, when we recognize that the rising and crashing waves are part of the same one ocean, we are able to let go and be at peace with the way things are.

Bottom line:  Prepare for the worst but hope for the best – the former makes you sensible, and the latter makes you an optimist.  Read Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality.

5.  Inspire yourself with a smile and positive reminders.

If you expect the worst, the worst will happen.  If you let things bother you, they will.  But if you smile, you’ll feel better.  Studies have shown that putting a cheerful smile on your face can trigger a part of your brain that actually makes you feel happier and more optimistic about the present and future.

Also, feed your optimism with positive reminders.  Write down short statements that inspire optimism.  Put them in places where you’ll see them every day, such as on your bathroom mirror, the inside of your locker, and on your computer monitor.

• “Anything is possible.”
• “Lead a life of positivity.”
• “The only thing I can control is my attitude towards life.”
• “I always have a choice.”
• “Even the longest journey begins with a single step.”
• “I will look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism shine.”

Read The Happiness Project.

6.  Work on the things you can control.

Pessimism is impractical because it causes you to spend time dwelling on negative things that haven’t happened yet, while simultaneously preventing you from getting things done now.  Pessimism breeds indecision.  It’s a waste of time, and time is a limited resource that you can’t afford to take for granted.  Every minute spent worrying guarantees nothing but less time to enjoy what life has to offer.

The solution?  Acknowledge the things you can’t control and don’t become a victim.  Stop thinking about what is happening to you, and start thinking about what you can do to make it better.  Know that you almost always have a choice. Is your job a bummer?  Find a new one.  Not ready to leave because of your 401K and vacation time?  Then celebrate those reasons and remember that you chose to stay.

7.  Count your blessings.

There is so much good, so much beauty, so much love in your life.  You have so much right now to be thankful for, you just need to pause long enough to appreciate it.  Do so.  This will help frame a better attitude and take your mind off of the negatives.

Start a feel-good journal.  Buy a blank journal and fill it with things that make you smile, like a photo of your pet, or a compliment a friend gave you.  Use it to track your accomplishments and celebrate your victories.  Stick only positive things in your journal and open it up whenever you’re feeling down.

8.  Appreciate that nothing in life is permanent.

Research has shown that optimists and pessimists attribute the reasons for success and failure differently.  Pessimists tend to attribute negative events to permanent, personal, and pervasive factors.  Optimists tend to attribute negative events to non-personal, non-permanent, and non-pervasive factors.  ‘Permanent’ are factors that will be with you throughout life; ‘personal’ are factors that relate to us as individuals; and ‘pervasive’ are factors that affect our ability in other parts of our life.

Bottom line:  Nothing is permanent.  However good or bad a situation is now, it will change.

9.  Focus on the present.

People often obsess themselves with the past and the future.  But life is happening right now.  You can’t learn something or remember something that’s happening now if your mind is stuck in another time.

It takes about eight seconds of intense focus to process a new piece of information into your long-term memory.  So don’t let your life and your mind slip away.  Instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, practice being and living in the present moment.  Remember, right now is the only moment guaranteed to you.  Right now is life.  Don’t miss it.
Sourced from Marc and Angel Hack Life http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/05/30/9-ways-to-become-an-optimist/

Keep Going

You have done a great deal, and you’re capable of doing a great deal more. You’re capable and effective, and capable of becoming even more effective.

With each new day, you have a new opportunity to live up to your potential. Through focused, purposeful action, you can raise your standards and then exceed those standards.

Making use of what you’ve already achieved, you can achieve even more. With your wisdom and experience, you can gain ever more valuable wisdom and experience.

No matter how far you’ve come, there is always another adventure to be lived. There’s always a new and fulfilling way to make a difference.

To live is to grow, in strength, in wisdom, in experience and accomplishment. To grow is to live, in the richest and most genuinely satisfying way.

You’ve come a long way, so by all means keep going and growing. What’s so great about life is that you can make it greater... Ralph

WHO WE LOVE, WHO WE SETTLE FOR AND WHO WE ARE MEANT FOR

I went through my BB’s recent updates and saw ‘there is a big difference between who we love, who we settle for and who we are meant for’ on a younger friend’s (about 16 yrs old) personal message and I was wowed. I was fascinated by the simple truth the message transmits. I loved it so much I copied and pasted it on my TL which automatically updates my FB status. About three hours later, I got an FB notification that someone made a comment. I checked and it was another friend of mine’s comment and she asked ‘So, what’s the difference?’ 

Then I said to myself, this is simple English now. ‘Who we love’ is who we really care about, who we want to be with, who we are fond of, the one who makes us smile when we think about him (her)…; who we settle for is the person we got as a result of either our wrong or right moves and who we are meant for is the person we should really be with. Very Simple!

Suddenly, some thoughts on the question popped up in my mind in a very different dimension. Now before I proceed, I have answered the question of ‘what is the difference?’ in simple plain terms so you can stop reading because the next explanations might not be acceptable to you. Also, let me bring to your notice if you didn’t know that I am not a marriage/relationship counselor/expert, a motivational speaker neither am I a Bible Scholar, so anything I write is my opinion which makes it subjective. Discussing these different but closely related phrases goes thus:

Will

Will according to the Encarta Dictionaries means ‘the part of the mind with which somebody consciously decides things’. It also means ‘the power to make decisions’.  Another meaning is ‘a desire or inclination to do something’. With these three definitions of the word ‘will’, we can see that ‘will’ has to do with decision making by our thought-process, the choices we make. Will can be an inclination or desire that arises from the inner-most part our existence. Possibly the subconscious and underlying figments coming to play outwardly, thereby fine-tuning our conscious self into making strong, desirable decisions backed by determination.

There are two types of will – the will of God (Father) [Math. 12:50; Mark 3:55] and the will of man (Flesh) [2 Peter 1:21; John 1:13]. Though God is our creator, yet he gave us the liberty to choose what we desire (Luke 22:42) but admonishes us to choose that which is good (Deut. 30:19) that we and our seed may live. Now there is will of God that is good, another is acceptable and the last is perfect [Romans 12:2]. You might begin to wonder, what has will got to do with the issue at hand? Don’t rush, just chill.

Who we love

When we decide to love someone for whatever reason we choose, we are doing our will. Don’t get me wrong here; the love I am talking about is that which is related to ‘marriage /relationship things’. The guy you are dating beats the crap out of you, your girlfriend cheats on you, your boyfriend doesn’t respect you, and your girlfriend can’t be trusted on any issue and amongst all these, you still decide to love him (her). May be he (she) loves you so much and you love him (her) in return or probably you have been hurt and you will never love him (her) anymore, then it’s your choice, your decision.

You have decided nothing will make you practice law, you will never quit drinking, you will always preach the gospel, you must go to Canada, you must marry that person at all cost, you will not quit till you succeed on a particular thing, you gave up on something, and you must kill that person. You have made your choices, you have decided.

‘Who we love’ are our choices, our decisions, and our resolves. Who we love are those things we have made up our minds on to do whatever the outcomes are. These are our wills – The will of man. These choices of ours can either be good ones or bad ones.

Who we settle for

The outcomes of our decisions are who we settle for. They are the consequences of our moves. At the moment ‘we love’ a lady whose father is a drug baron and mother a professional prostitute, and she turns out to be a thief, that is what ‘we settle for’. At this point, you don’t cry over spill milk. What you have sown as a will, you reap as an outcome.

Sometimes, who we love is supposed to be who we are meant for but for some reasons, we end with some else. If who we settle for eventually is good enough or very close to ‘who we are meant for’ but for circumstances, meaning we are still on course but for some temporary setbacks, that is ‘acceptable’ or ‘permissible’ will of God. This is the case of Abram when he gave birth to Ishmael. But when who we settle for is not near who we are meant for but for our own selfish reasons and God in is sovereignty permitted it, it could be disastrous. This is a case of Hezekiah when rather than die in God’s perfect will, requested for more time.

Who we are meant for

Locating who we are meant for is not yam neither is it beans, It requires a whole lot of letting go. Yet, it is the easiest thing to do. Like an adage in Yoruba language ‘where we are going is not far, it is those points where we stop to greet that are numerous’ (translated). There is just one woman out there that suits  just one man. Its takes trusting God totally and leaning not on your guts that will make you locate this partner of yours.

Discovering your own special purpose for which you have been called it the utmost on earth. Fulfilling this purpose is the most beautiful thing that can happen to you. Hey! Don’t think about what you are not reading here, it’s not everybody that is called to be a pastor, Rev. Bishop or the likes. No, that’s not what I am saying. The ‘parable of the talent’ wasn’t about being a priest or whatever; it was about using the little that has been bestowed upon you for propagating His work and Human development in your own unique way.

The perfect will of God is seeking and finding that only person that is meant for you. The perfect will of God is by His grace, discovering your purpose and fulfilling it. Who you love, who you settle for and who you are meant for are three separate entities but If who you love is the same person you settle for and it’s that same person that you are meant for, then there is no way you won’t be a god before you leave this world.

Joobreel